To: All of Humanity
From: God
Subject: Recall Notice
Date: Eternity
The maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed, 'Subsequent Internal
Noncompliance,' or more commonly known as S.I.N, and it is primarily symptomized by loss of moral judgment.
Some other symptoms:
(a) Loss of direction
(b) Foul vocal emissions
(c) Amnesia of origin
(d) Lack of peace and joy
(e) Selfish, or violent behavior
(f) Depression or confusion within the mental
component
(g) Fearfulness and/or dishonesty
(h) Idolatry
The manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory authorized repair and service, free of charge to correct this S.I.N defect. The number to call for the recall station in your area is: 1-800-P-R-A-Y-E-R.
Once connected, please upload your burden of S.I.N. by pressing R-E-P-E-N-T-A-N-C-E.
Next, download J-E-S-U-S into the heart. No matter how big or small the S.I.N. defect is, the JESUS repair will replace it with:
(a) Love
(b) Joy
(c) Peace
(d) Long-suffering
(e) Gentleness
(f) Goodness
(g) Faith
(h) Meekness
(i) Temperance
Please see the operating manual HOLY BIBLE, for further details on the use of these repairs.
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human unit without correction voids the manufacturer's warranty, exposing owner to dangers and problems too numerous to list, and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.
For free emergency service, call on J-E-S-U-S.
DANGER: Any human units not receiving this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The S.I.N. defect must not enter heaven or else heaven will be infected.
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